Task 1/4
Buy a car
$3,000 and a bazaar full of other people's problems. The cheap ones are cheap for a reason. What's left is for fuel, parts and bad decisions.
The brief
The producers have a job for you.
It’s a TV road-trip special and you’re the cast. Up to four friends, a budget that won’t buy anything good, and a radio that crackles to life with the next task. Get produce to a safari lodge. Photograph a lion without becoming lunch. Strap a canoe to the roof and pray.
There’s no track. There’s 20 km of Botswana between Maun and the Okavango Delta, a paper map that is old and not complete, and a friend on the radio saying: trust me, it’s a shortcut.
How a special works
One stage. Four friends. Questionable cars.
Task 2/4
Get the brief
The producers radio in one task at a time. Every car has its part, and the next job opens when the whole group is done — or votes to go on without you.
Task 3/4
Pick any route
No track, no minimap. A paper map that is old and not complete. The shortcut is always a good idea. Until it isn't.
Task 4/4
Collect the awards
Fastest Time, sure. Also Least Car Left, Lone Wolf and Wrong Pump. Everyone wins something. Not everyone wants it.
Stage 1 · Botswana
Maun → Delta Lodge
Supplies and guests for a safari lodge on the edge of the Okavango Delta. Four jobs, one at a time, all of you together. 20 km of town streets, sand tracks and floodplain. Sunset at 18:20.
The map is old and not complete.
1 Maun market
The lodge's order
A sack of maize meal and a crate of vegetables for every car, from the stall by the post office. It rides with you all day. Crates break.
2 Wildlife area
Photo safari
5 × 5 km of open bush. Photograph a giraffe, a zebra, a lion and a hippo yourself. Creep up slower than 8 km/h. Lions never run off.
3 The river, south of Boro
Mokoros at the jetty
A boatman straps a dugout canoe to your roof. Knocks crack it. Rolling over smashes it. Arrive with at least the pieces.
4 Modise Farm → Delta Lodge
Eggs from the farm
Thirty eggs, one sand track and a lodge kitchen waiting. Check in by the 25 m lookout tower before the sun goes.
The bazaar
Every car has a catch.
Twelve used cars, one budget each. Look at the price. Then look at the catch. Then buy the cheap one anyway.
All cars are parodies. Any resemblance to a real car is because we wanted it.
Things will go wrong
The road is the easy part.
Every system in the car can fail, and the bush is in no hurry to help. Getting there together is the game.
Everything breaks
Damage and wear on every part. Patch it with what's in the boot, borrow a friend's spares or limp to a garage.
Radio“If it moves and shouldn't: tape.”
Fuel is a plan
Pumps, jerrycans, siphoning and leaks. Run dry in the bush and someone has to come back for you.
Radio“Green, black — they're both nozzles.”
Deep sand
Sand tracks swallow low cars and road tyres. Low range helps. Digging helps more.
Radio“Dug deep. Literally.”
Tow rope
A friend stuck? Rope up and pull. A friend broken down? Rope up and pull for twelve kilometres.
Radio“Stopped for everyone. Arrived eventually.”
Wildlife
Elephants have right of way. Hippos are not to be argued with. Lions just watch you, which is worse.
Radio“Keep your distance from the lions.”
The producers
They have ideas. A car with no brakes. Elephants on the road. A tanker strike. You'll hear about it on the radio.
Radio“Tanker strike in Maun. Fill up while you can.”
Results
Everyone wins something.
At the end of the stage the producers hand out awards. Some of them you'll want to frame. Some you'll hear about for the rest of the trip.
Awards
Botswana 1 · Maun → Delta Lodge
Fastest Time — Dusty (1:47:12)
Somebody had somewhere to be.
Biggest Crash — Pothole (84 km/h of instant regret)
The car will remember this. So will the tree.
Fruit Salad — Pothole (crates 21 % whole)
The tomatoes arrived as soup.
Duct Tape Hero — Kudu (7 repairs)
If it moves and shouldn't: tape. If it doesn't and should: WD-40.
Wrong Pump — Sundowner (2 wrong fills)
Green, black — they're both nozzles.
Scenic Route — Sundowner (31.4 km driven)
Saw everything. Some of it twice.
Firewood Delivery — Dusty (mokoro 8 % whole)
Nobody can pole it any more, but the boma fire is sorted for a week.
Fuel Angel — Kudu (18 l given)
Gave their own fuel so others could drive on.
Lone Wolf — Dusty (3 calls for help ignored)
Heard the radio. Turned it up. Drove on.
Not a Crack — Kudu (100 % of the eggs whole)
Thirty eggs over a sand track and not one hairline. Mr Modise wants to know your secret.
Postcards
Wish you were here.
Work-in-progress shots from the Botswana stage.
Last stop
Pack the duct tape.
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